It used to be serious. It still is, but it used to be, too.

Man, that “was” really got my hopes up for a minute.

My class was set to graduate right around the time the pandemic hit and a lot of people ended up graduating late because the school literally couldn’t offer the classes they needed to finish their degree. Anyone to whom your date of graduation is actually relevant likely isn’t going to bat an eye at anyone who was in college within the last 5 years graduating a couple months late.

And, of course, there’s that old stand-by moral of “the only reason it seems like all your peers are doing better is because the ones in the same situation as you aren’t going on social media to brag about it.” So don’t rely on that as a metric too heavily.

They spell it out under their FAQ but I doubt that’s legally binding

How much food and what is it?

…Did we mention it doubles as a convenient dumping ground for mob snitches?

in case you want to self-host your own algae, I guess

Motherfucker looks like he sleeps in a space blanket and knows a lot about the Magna Carta.

“Hale and well-met, everybody.”

“Nørmr!”

“What would you say to an ale, there, Nørmr?”

“I’d say ‘Make peace with the spirits of your ancestors, for you shall soon greet them in Valhalla.’”

And try very hard to let the door hit you on the way out!

I suppose, to be fair, I would also probably strive to do the exact opposite of anything the Heritage Foundation told me to do.

Fine, you take it off the shelves and I’ll just torrent it. Nobody should be able to stop me from doing that as long as I don’t seed it, right Meta?

At least they’re taking credit for something that actually happened this time, I guess.

Looks like something very significant just happened in a big-budget sci-fi/action film with a 58% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Who Sun-Tans the Sun-Tanner?

I would argue that the one that exploded over DC last month had almost certainly ceased to be a plane by the time it hit the ground.

Yeah, it’s called taking out the competition. If you wanna win a race you gotta know where to throw the banana peels.

Counteroffer: We’ll take Nunavut in exchange for Texas, Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida.

One, you’ll have us nearly surrounded; two, they’re far enough away that you don’t have to risk any of the pre-existing populace actually coming into your country, and three, you get a whole stretch of oceanfront property, and we don’t have to let them muck up our electoral college anymore. And all we want in exchange is a nigh-uninhabitable stretch of ice and bragging rights that we’re indisputably bigger than China, which is for some reason the only thing the incoming administration cares about anyway. If that’s not enough we’re willing to throw in a couple of the Virgin Islands.

I understand there is a species of blind fish living in a cave nearly a mile beneath the Yucatán peninsula that scientists believe might not be racist, but research is still ongoing.

It does seem pretty safe to assume that the ballot was signed sometime between the time it was printed and the date it was postmarked which, given the fast-paced and tumultuous nature of American politics, surely cannot be that wide of a window. And if the purpose is to somehow catch people submitting ballots after the cutoff date, surely one would expect a wouldbe election fraudster to lose no sleep in also falsifying an earlier date, making one wonder why this information is all that pertinent to begin with.

Now, a more cynical person might assume that this was just another one of those little traps specifically engineered to attract common mistakes (knowing full well that some of us are still putting the year down as “2015” because goddammit, what the hell time is it?) which can then be selectively enforced depending on whether or not you want to invalidate a large swath of votes. But I mean, surely our very trustworthy elected officials would never do such a thing…

I hear he eats televisions for breakfast. Drives around in an old pickup truck at 70 miles an hour knocking radio antennas off the side of the road with a baseball bat. You know, probably.

Also, the usual litany of opposes net neutrality, loves the bold new direction Twitter has been taking, hates any form of disinformation oversight and also apparently hates fiberoptic cables(?!) and thinks it would be great if social media stopped censoring his people and started censoring those other people already. Those ones were real.